Wow I suck at social media and updating shit and being active on websites and shit...
Anyway, since my last update, I have a job! YAY! I'm a Substitute Paraeducator for the school district in my hometown. I get to decide what shifts I accept and I can work up to 8 hours M-F, depending on what's available. I average about 25 hr/wk so it's only part time but I am definitely enjoying it!
I'm also doing a bunch of odd side jobs through various apps to try to boost my paycheck a bit. It's definitely needed as my student loan monthly payment is $281 plus another loan is going to start being due in February, adding another $40 each month.
Wandering to another topic, my sis and her bf/lover/thing? They're not actually together but they're together? Idefk, I don't care either. Anyway, they moved out at the beginning of October and it was amazing! Well, they moved back in a few days ago after their rent was raised $500 from the original price and they admitted to my mom that they've been doing heroin for 2 years and want help to get clean... so they're back. So far they haven't been too crazy... but let's just say I lock my door to my room again -_-
Here's the thing... my mom and dad are really torn up about the fact that my sis has been doing heroin. Like, blaming themselves for not seeing it, wondering if they're bad parents, etc. and I'm over here... just... not? Like, I'm a bit relieved cuz at least my sister didn't just become a crazy bitch for no reason? Like, it's the drugs. That's why she would scream at me. But even then I'm just over here, numb to it? Is that a good way to say it? Like, I don't know why I'm not more upset or worried or sad or relieved or anything.
So I'm watching my parents struggle through this and I'm watching them trying to turn their lives around and I'm sitting here, not caring? But I know I do care, but I can't bring myself to give a fuck? So I'm wondering if there's something wrong with me... surely I should feel something more right? I shouldn't feel numb about this... but I do... and I don't know why and honestly that's scaring me more than anything else about this entire scenario.
Welp, don't mind me... I'm rambling and took some night-night meds for this stupid cold I've been fighting for a week and a half and askldhgasdkfdsjf;skdalkghasdioagehaskd *head-desk*
Gnight everyone... see you in another 3 months lol